Tuesday, September 20, 2011

103: Aging

Hot, this night.  Sipping a Diet Cherry 7, for cap.  Was going to have a beer, but I decided I need to revert back to mode training.  Napa run, only four days distanced.  Nice dinner tonight with family.  Saw one of my cousins, third cousin actually, whom I haven’t seen in years, her husband Ross as well.  And, all over wine, food.  More evidence: wine IS the occasion.  Tonight’s types: Old Vine Zin, ’07, and Sonoma County Cabernet.  2007, as well.  Quite disappointed that I brought my laptop to work, for a Literary lunch rush, and failed to cross the street, to the coffee house for my sitting.  But, in some leniency to Self,  I did need air dosages.  Some of outside’s side.  Sights of Humans, life, motion.
Keep pushing Self to finish, publish a book, but do I need to?  How would I afford to get a manuscript out there?  Maybe it’s these posts I need to push.  Need to stop thinking about it so much.  And just...write.  Almost cursed, for the first time in this log, in some respectable time.  My mind, not enough wined.  Which is beneficial, especially in this heat.  But if I had a Rosato, delicious difference.
My heart, not wanting these button pushes.  But, a mind stubborn, cursed with incurable conviction always trumps.  How am I supposed to sleep in this heat?  It’s hot, up here in the study.  Hot in every corner of this castle.  Not in the mood to interact, with anyone.  Anything.  Even this computer.  Speaking of which, why didn’t it make me cross the street, spend my hour with the intended strokes?  No, it let me relax, outside.  Blaming it, yes.  This stubborn, stuck-up little silver sliver of digitized sleekness.  I don’t know who it is, thinking it can ignore me.  It’s not Literary.  It’s a thing, composed of other bits, systems, money-motivated notions, promises.  Corporate capsule.  It doesn’t write, recite.  Sorry.  Cranky, me.  Must be getting old, peaking, like some of the 01’s.
Should I try again tomorrow, bring the this little monster to work?  Maybe I’ll actually cross the street like I did a couple weeks ago.  It is decided.  And, I place these buttons, this screen, in the black bag.  Again.  Within minutes.  Still have those small earphones in the little front pocket, by where I keep extra change, under the discrete zipper.  Can’t believe I found those little listening pieces this morning.  No, last night, found them just before sleep.  Now, off to sleep.  Transcending meditations.  Musical, multicolored.  Contemplative vision manuscripts.  For the next sips, after Saturday ... 
9/20/2011, Tuesday

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